Myths and Facts about guiri skin in Spain

Hi, my name is Troy McClure, you may remember me from such educational comedy films as "Mandatory Sexual Harassment Video Made in 1983" or "Let's Get Awkward: 7th Grade Sex Ed Film."

Now that the Spring weather is upon us here in Málaga, you may find yourself wondering about how your guiri friends are coping. Surely they must be scared about skin cancer. Their blue eyes are less able to cope with the sun, would sunglasses be an appropriate gift? Can't guiri people wait until June to get in the water like normal people?

Well don't worry, Spaniard! The answer to these questions, and so much more, will be covered in this short educational film!

Myth: All guiri people get sunburned. (See also: guirigamba.)

Fact: Some guiri people, notably those of Germanic, Italian, or certain Nordic heritages, have skin with golden, rather than red, undertones. This means that their skin, much like yours, may actually become tan with gradual, safe exposure to the sun. Others may utilize tools at their disposal, such as sunscreen, hats, umbrellas, or simply staying out of direct sun during the hours of 10 to 2, to prevent sunburn. Other guiri people may be of African, Middle Eastern, Southeast Asian, or South American origin, and possess skin that may be equal to, or darker than yours. Millions of guiri families enjoy the beaches in Spain every year without the harmful effects of sunburn, and you can too!

Myth: All guiri men of a certain age walk around town shirtless and in short-shorts.

Fact: Many men do in fact use their holiday time to promenade down the boardwalk with their beer belly out for all to admire. However, after months of soul-crushing Nordic winter, it is normal that they'd want to get off the 4 sealskin jackets and 14 pairs of socks that you wear all winter. Try it! It can be fun!

Myth: Socks and sandels are the height of fashion in Northern Europe.

Fact: No, it's not. Questionable fashion exists everywhere. (See also: soccer mullets, diaper jeans, adult onesies, and wearing leggings as pants.) 

Myth: It's sunny and you have blue eyes! You'll go blind! Here, take my sunglasses.

Fact: While it is polite to show concern for your guiri friends, they will be fine in the sun, just as they have been for the past 23 years of their life. If they need to shield their eyes from the sun, many will provide their own sunglasses!

Myth: Guiri people go swimming in like, January. What's wrong with you, aren't you cold?

Fact: People who live in colder climes are able to swim comfortably in cooler waters. Not living next to the Mediterranean year round, taking the plunge is taking advantage of their vacation time. However, there are limits (see also: Norweigans and January and shrinkage.)

Myth: To me, it's freezing. But compared to where you come from, this must be tropical!

Fact: Many people live in places that are as warm or, wait for it, warmer, than Andalucia. For example, here:

These people may actually find the November to March wintery, rainy season as excessive, and come from places like Arizona or Florida, where one can sunbathe on Christmas!

I'm Troy McClure, and I hope that with a little bit of knowledge, guiris and Spaniards can both enjoy Spain's privileged climate and beautiful beaches this Spring season! See you next time!